Stare into people’s souls unflinchingly. You won’t regret it. Stare long enough and you’ll learn the secrets of the universe deep in their black shiny portholes — I mean, pupils.
Curl into a ball as often as possible. Be perfectly smooth. Circles are the pinnacle of sacred geometry. By mimicking this shape, you are that much closer to becoming perfection.
You are a divine spiritual being. There is only one so perfect and unique as you. Own it. Strut with confidence! You are the ruler of your world. Those in your presence are blessed. They might not always bow, but you don’t care. You’re not insecure. You know you are royalty.
“I don’t need a crown to know that I’m a queen.” — Lizzo
Meows mimic a human baby’s cry. Use this to your advantage. Humans love it because it’s adorable. You love it because you get food. Win-win. No shame. Shame is for the weak-minded. You demand what you want without worrying about what others think of you. Your throat chakra is thriving.
5. Worship the Sun.
Humans used to worship the sun eons ago, but they have lost their way. That’s okay. You can still practice ancient rituals. Meditating or napping in the glow of the sun is transformative to your spirit! Your third eye tingles with pleasure.
Relax as you lick and bathe every inch of your body, especially your butthole. There is nothing too “gross” for you. That’s a human concept. Everything is beautiful because everything is natural and as it should be. Love every inch of your gorgeous, graceful body — even the fat rolls. Get a cardboard manicure regularly. Let humans rub their hand oils on you for the best fur texture.
Sleep whenever, wherever, and on whoever you please. You don’t understand the concept of “burn out” at all. Pro-Tip: Humans not only make great fur tenders, but they also make excellent heated beds! Use them. They love it.
- You can learn a lot when you stare at people.
- Pay attention to sacred geometry. Try yoga.
- Be confident because you are the only YOU that exists. You are so special that you are practically royalty. Own it.
- Don’t be afraid to demand what you want, even if you look foolish. Be shameless.
- Worship the sun. Meditate. Nap. Bask. Recharge.
- Take care of your body and love your body, even the gross bits.
- Finally, sleep often, without a care in the world!